On Sunday I attended the Writer's Faire through UCLA Extension. It was so inspiring. Just being with other writer's, hearing their stories, buying a really cool t-shirt, was exhilarating. That very afternoon, when I got home, things began to fall apart. Stuff inside of me started coming to the surface. Self-doubt like a huge rock breaking off from the side of a mountain, toppled down onto my soul. It has taken me all week to regain my balance, but I think I'm finally able to get up, bruised and bleeding, but standing. The companion of self-doubt, I realized, is comparison. While the rocks of self-doubt immobilized me, comparison was the hard ground I fell on. So many suave, funny, intelligent writer's on panels with microphones, published. I, a writer undercover, posing as an audience, one of many hearts filled with hopes and dreams, looking from the outside to a place I want to be, wanting to articulate well what my heart has to say.
On any journey there needs to be preparation and planning. On the writing journey this equates to going to Writer's Faires, taking classes and sitting down to write everyday, believing in the destination I need to travel to however unknown or perilous. There is a way to get there.
One thing is needed: Courage. Writing is a battle. I will choose my companions carefully.
3 comments:
I have had that inspiration/self-doubt thing happen so many times with writing. Happens a lot when I walk into a bookstore. Part of me thinks if all these people can publish, so can I. Other side of me thinks how hard it'll be with all these other people. You're a beautiful writer. Glad you want to share what your heart wants to say!
Thank you for your comments,Jenny. I think you are an amazing writer! And you inspire me because you had the guts to quit your job as a lawyer to become a writer.
Self doubt just goes with the territory. That presence on your shoulder, that voice in your head. You just have to write louder.
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