Sunday, May 6, 2012

Reading About Writing

  Courage and Craft by Barbara Abercrombie is full of wisdom and insight. I'm rereading it again for the fourth time. For example, "You can sit around for the rest of your life dreaming about writing your stories, longing to bear witness on the page to every amazing thing you've seen or lived through, and wishing for a message from above, that bolt of lightening, some signal that will let you know now is the time to start being creative. Or you can just buy a notebook or turn on your computer and begin writing. It's that simple and that complicated."
I still wonder around my life daily looking for my passion. I don't know if it's writing or some other creative endeavor but I do know something alludes me. I've come to only two conclusions these last few days I've been thinking about this: I would like someone to just tell me what to do (which never works in reality) and I want to be in love. (Not that I don't love God, my husband and family). One of the reasons I like taking classes is because it's a lot like starting a new relationship. I feel inspired. Getting to know new people and subjects is exciting. I can't wait to buy art supplies or books, notebooks and pens. Also a class provides a contained space where you follow the prescribed curriculum, you succeed and then feel good about yourself. Why is it so difficult to give this to myself? It's a problem of having to be validated from someone outside me in order to feel accepted, thus approved of.
So now I've uncovered a root and a habit. The root is believing I'm unworthy, by whose standard I don't know. The habit is continually living in this false belief. To be continued......

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